A Mother’s faith
I grew up with my grandmother. She was a Christian and would take me to church. I grew up going to Sunday School and services and I watched her pray.
Then later in my life, I didn’t really want to go to church, I didn’t want to serve God. I wanted to experience the world. I was thinking I was missing out on different things, which I really wasn’t.
I got married and had two children. My ex-husband wasn’t a believer. I had my son and a year later I had my daughter, I decided that whatever I was doing before - going to clubs, and experiencing different things - wasn’t good for me and my child. I wanted to be a good model for my children. So I decided to do things differently.
When my son was five years old, my sister-in-law was building a two-story house and we went to visit. My son had gone to play with my nephew, and my nephew came back without him. We started looking for my son and found him on the first floor unconscious. The second floor of the house wasn’t finished, so he fell through it and landed on the side of the tub. When we found him, I thought I was going to die because I could see that he wasn’t going to make it.
When we got to the hospital, that’s when I felt so alone. I could see the people helping my son, cutting his little clothes. They closed the door when they saw me watching.
I remember looking at the ceiling and the ceiling looked so far away. And then I thought “Oh my God, I can’t even go to you Lord, because I haven’t been serving you.” And that’s when I knew:
“I’m alone without you Lord.”
God is so merciful and wonderful that he allowed my son to stay with me for another 31 years. But right then, is when I went through a change of heart. That’s when I decided to start seeking God.
I found a Pentecostal church close to my house, and I loved it! We are very loud and dance. I started going there to listen to the word of God.
All this time, I was serving God, and everything was going well. I thought: “If I do all the right things, pray enough, read my Bible, pay my tithes, do this and that... everything will go well.”
Well, not everything. My son was married and with two kids when he had a heart attack and passed away.
I was very upset with God. “Is this how You treat me?“ I asked God. The kids need their father, I need my son. That was selfish and I was telling Him that I didn’t care if my son was with Him. I wanted my son with me.
That was a big trial for me. I felt betrayed by God because I thought I was doing all the right things.
Later, after going through all of that, I looked back and realized how God was preparing me prior to my son’s death.
There was a plumber that used to come and work on my house. His mom passed away and he fell into a dark depression. I decided to seek help for him and his wife. Through a friend from church, I learned about GriefShare, and I did some research online and sent him and his wife a few resources.
When my son passed away, I already knew about GriefShare, so I called my friend again, who had also lost a son years prior, and joined her group. I remember that in our group, it was mostly women, and everyone had lost a child. Wow! I look back and think:
“This has to be God.”
I joined GriefShare in the fall. They were near the end of a cycle and wouldn’t start a new one until the summer. They were so sweet and supportive to me. I told my friend I couldn’t stop going to GriefShare, so she sent me to the Methodist Church.
When I got here, I joined in. I felt right at home. Linda Snow is such a great teacher, and she makes you feel good to where you can confide in her.
I used to tell God “When I see you, you will have to tell me why you took my son so young?”
One day after I said that, I felt in my heart that He said “When you are before me and you see me, you are not going to remember any of these questions.” You know, it’s like His presence is all you need. I’m going to be so overwhelmed by His presence. So, I stopped asking.
You know, he could have taken my son when he was five years old, but he let me keep him for thirty-one more years. So, I’m grateful for that.
Today, my relationship with God is stronger than ever because I’ve gone through this horrible experience and, after that, I was able to reach people who have lost not only kids but fathers, sisters, nephews…
GriefShare sounds sad because it is, but where else can you go?
GriefShare is biblical. I learned a lot. I liked it so much that I did it a couple of times and was able to learn something new each time.
I would recommend it to anyone who has ever lost anyone who is close to them. We grieve because we love. We love them so much that it hurts. It hurts mentally, and physically. You are devastated and you find comfort when you go to GriefShare.
What I love about the GriefShare program at the Methodist Church is that they allow you to come at different times of the year.
If you are able to open your mind when you go, you will find comfort.
-Irma Oswald
To learn more about GriefShare and find a class near you, visit griefshare.org.
Email Linda Snow at EmbroideryDetails@gmail.com if you want to learn more about GriefShare or register for the class at Dripping Springs Methodist Church.
